By Kristen Wolfe

You thought I didn’t really notice. But I did. I wanted to high-five you.

Yesterday I had a pair of brothers in my store. One was maybe between 15 and 17. He was a wrestler at the local high school. Kind of tall, stocky and handsome. He had a younger brother, who was maybe about 10 to 12 years old. The only way to describe him was scrawny, neat, and very clean for a boy his age. They were talking about finding a game for the younger one, and he was absolutely insisting it be one with a female character. I don’t know how many of y’all play games, but that isn’t exactly easy. Eventually, I helped the brothers pick a game called “Mirror’s Edge.” The youngest was pretty excited about the game, and then he specifically asked me, “Do you have any girl color controllers?” I directed him to the only colored controllers we have, which include pink and purple ones. He grabbed the purple one, and informed me purple was his FAVORITE.

The boys had been taking awhile, so their father eventually came in. He saw the game, and the controller, and started in on the youngest about how he needs to pick something different. Something more manly. Something with guns and fighting, and certainly not a purple controller. He tried to convince him to get the new Zombie game “Dead Island” and the little boy just stood there repeating, “Dad, this is what I want, OK?” Eventually it turned into a full-blown argument complete with Dad threatening to whoop his son if he didn’t choose different items.

That’s when big brother stepped in. He said to his dad, “It’s my money, it’s my gift to him. If it’s what he wants, I’m getting it for him, and if you’re going to hit anyone for it, it’s going to be me.” Dad just gave his oldest son a strong stern stare-down, and then left the store. Little brother was crying quietly. I walked over and ruffled his hair (yes, this happened all in front of me). I said, “I’m a girl, and I like the color blue, and I like shooting games. There’s nothing wrong with what you like. Even if it’s different than what people think you should.” I smiled, he smiled back (my heart melted!). Big brother then leaned down, kissed little brother on the head, and said, “Don’t worry, dude.”

They checked out and left, and all I can think is how awesome big brother is, how sweet little brother is, and how Dad ought to be ashamed for trying to make his son any other way.

This piece was originally published on Kristen’s blog, www.sweetupndown.tumblr.com.

The fight to to keep marriage equality in Iowa continues, help us support Iowans like Zach.

The sexual orientation of my parents has had zero effect on the content of my character.

What happens when science creates a new species? Does it continue to reproduce like all other life on Earth, or does it just grow once and die?

Cap the Gene Spill with Jeffrey M. Smith, author of Seeds of Deception

http://youtu.be/pfq000AF1i8

The Story of Cosmetics, released on July 21st, 2010, examines the pervasive use of toxic chemicals in our everyday personal care products, from lipstick to baby shampoo. Produced with Free Range Studios and hosted by Annie Leonard, the seven-minute film by The Story of Stuff Project reveals the implications for consumer and worker health and the environment, and outlines ways we can move the industry away from hazardous chemicals and towards safer alternatives. The film concludes with a call for viewers to support legislation aimed at ensuring the safety of cosmetics and personal care products.

First, I did the obvious: searched online. To my surprise I wasn’t able to come up with anything after almost an hour of digging. I think my search terms were the problem but there is a chance that the information just isn’t out there yet because I am only looking for answers to 3 questions:

1. Is it illegal to record video within the airport?
2. What Constitutional/Charter rights do I forfeit when I/we enter the building?
3. What recourses do I have to protect my rights and the rights of children in my care?

I failed to find anything with regards to these terms so I switched to a legal-minded search and looked for laws surrounding these things. I found no laws with regard to video recording in the airport and for our Rights I found the obvious: the Charter and Constitution. Two documents well worth reading and memorizing. I am still working on the latter.

I thought about it for a bit and while I was wandering through my mind I found myself roll-playing possibilities at the airport. What WOULD I say if security told me to shut off the camera? What WOULD I say if they selected me or my kids of a physical pat-down? This lead me to thinking that it would be good to call the police and ask. I found that the Peel Regional Police department is responsible (at least in part) for law enforcement (LE) at Pearson and they liaise between other Canadian LE bodies. So I called them.

Peel Regional Police

The Peel Regional Police Constable I spoke with did a great job of handling my questions when he clearly thought I was paranoid. Here are the condensed points from my phone calls:

He said that if the child sets off the metal detector the security staff will Wand the child and, where the wand beeps, will pat the child. No matter how much I explained that I was against this he maintained that it is procedure, nothing to worry about, non-invasive and would be fine. I think it is rather obvious that if this is done against the child’s will it is therefore a violation of the child’s rights. This is when he called me paranoid and told me to stay off YouTube and Facebook because “those people” are the bad ones who have done something wrong but are omitting it from the video. I countered that I saw video of agents touching children and he said he sees that all the time where people put drugs into the diapers of children etc. To me that is not justification for the blanket violation of our rights. If drugs are a big issue the solution is to place dogs at the screening lines. Not more convenient and not cheaper but damn sure not a violation of our rights.

The bottom line with this constable was simple: You do not have to do this, but then you cannot fly. There is no law that says you must give up your rights and there is no law that can make you but because the airport is privately owned and operated they can make up rules that – if you do not follow – can restrict you from using their planes. That statement is clear and I understand it, however it is not within the legal confines of our Constitution or Charter. Why not? Well, what power, right or authority does a private organization have that allows it to supersede the rule of law? NOT having that kind of power is one of the defining principles behind the Rule of Law vs the Rule of Men.

The Canadian Air Transport Security Authority 

Alright, onto the next phone call. The constable suggested that I call the Canadian Air Transport Security Authority (CATSA) because they are the government body that conducts the screening process at the airport. He gave me their website address and from there I found the phone number and called. The first person I spoke to was not sure how to handle my questions about our Rights so he transferred me to another department, but before he did that he said that there should be no problem with video. He put me on hold, did some fact-checking and came back and said

As far as I can tell -I’ve just verified and there’s nothing from the security aspect of the secured checkpoints that would prevent you from using a camcorder AT ALL.

When I spoke to the second person at the CATSA I explained my question again. I pointed out that we have the right to unreasonable search and seizure and that I understand bags must be searched prior to boarding. I also pointed out that wasn’t an issue. The issue is that I refuse to allow anyone under any circumstances to put their hands on my children. Period. His response was,

Uhm, ok, no you have the right… Uhm, I’m, I’m not authorized to uh uh to- not to comment  on that but I don’t know the answer uh uh to that question. What I am gonna do is gonna take your name and number down, and I am gonna get someone to give you a call regarding this because thats… uh ??eached the security operations centre and like I said I don’t have any uh answer to give you, but I will find someone that has uh uh that’s available to comment and give you more information on top of that.

There was no way I was going to give him anything. Last year I called the Ontario Health Care office to ask questions about travel and they froze my health card and I was still inside Canada. It has been dramatic to resolve and it is still not resolved. So no, you cannot know who I am.

I politely inquired about alternative ways of reaching that persons whom has the answer but his only solution was to use their website to make email contact because it would enable a paper trail. They really want to know who the people are who contact them.

Pearson Airport

Using the number given to me by CATSA I called Pearson. The person who answered was surprised by my questions and seemed to really want to get off the phone with me. I didn’t allow it by continuing to ask my questions is different ways. I was put on hold while he asked if anyone knew what to tell me about my right not to be touched. When he came back he said that he has no idea how to answer that because the Charter is universal and does not apply to people selectively, so I should ask a lawyer about things like this. I was tired of this person so I did not push the video issue and I allowed the call to come to an end.

Air Canada

Because I am willing to miss my flight in order to enforce and protect the rights of myself and my children I called Air Canada to ask, “If I have a problem along the way – like a hiccup at the security checkpoint – and I miss my flight can I catch the next one?” The answer was very simply yes. It is called a same-day change and it is $75, which I believe is per ticket.

The Final Word

Well, there isn’t one. I did not find a law that blocks me from recording but I did not hire a lawyer to ensure that there really is not one. It is a possibility that there is a law but it is more likely there would be case-law regarding it. I am not worried about the video issue because I would only want to record our interactions with airport security so that I would have some sort of unbiased evidence in the unlikely event of an incident. We know that the word of the agent it going to supersede mine and we know that airport video will not be available if it is in my favour. Refer to the guy the cop tasered/taser’d/tased to death in B.C.. Actually, refer to YouTube like the Peel constable suggested I stay away from. It’s all over the place – if you don’t have video to support you then you’re guilty.

As for our right to unreasonable search and seizure… Well it was made clear to me that we are in fact allowed to tell them not to touch us, however they can then refuse to allow you past security. In other words – not fly. This illegal. This is in place because there are people who smuggle and they want to catch them. I do not mind my bag going through an x-ray machine to ensure that I am safe because if there were no bag searches people would smuggle a lot more often and I do not want to be trapped inside a 700km/hr death-tube for hours on-end with a smuggler or anyone else who operates outside of the law. I would not consent to a bag search for entrance into a building or bus, but a plane is not a problem.

I realize that I am giving up my right to free against unreasonable search my private property to fly but there is no way I will give up my children’s rights to their privacy. Search their bags but do not touch their bodies. And yes, I am willing to miss a flight to enforce and protect their rights.

Recommended Reading:
Canadian Constitution: http://laws-lois.justice.gc.ca/eng/const/Const_index.html
Charter of Rights and Freedoms: http://laws-lois.justice.gc.ca/eng/charter/CHART_E.PDF

Recommended Viewing:
TSA touching a little boy with no shirt: http://youtu.be/IjS4ZxZ7jic
Man refuses TSA molestation and does not fly: http://youtu.be/u2KXi66Rnh0
Woman says she was sexually assaulted by the TSA: http://youtu.be/eeFhehcUPBc
TSA molests woman then disrespects her cries for Police help: http://youtu.be/RwvcpS5iLjI
TSA agent charged as a pedophile: http://youtu.be/_ixbpCsN0r8
TSA Removes 95 year old’s adult diaper: http://youtu.be/9FAN_uWGHi4
95 year old speaks out against adult diaper check: http://youtu.be/X7XWnotWU5M

From time to time I read the story of Helen Keller’s life because it is such an inspiration to me.  In fact, whenever I think life is hard, all I have to do is review her story and then I realize that I have never really even come close to having a problem!

You may have read Helen Keller’s autobiography, The Story of My Life.  Or, you may be familiar with the movie, Miracle Worker, starring Ann Bancroft and Patty Duke.  Miss Bancroft played the part of Anne Sullivan, the teacher who taught the blind and deaf Helen Keller how to communicate.  Patty Duke, who played Helen, won an Oscar for her performance in that great 1962 screenplay.  Although the play has been produced many times on both stage and film, in my opinion the 1962 production was the best.  It is timeless in its message for both young and old, alike. My own grandchildren have been fascinated when watching it and learning from the struggles of the life and times of Helen Keller.

Often, however, I think we overlook the real heroine in this story.  Certainly Helen Keller had to overcome many obstacles and each one was a very difficult challenge. And, no one would deny that her success in life is a miracle in itself, yet none of that would have happened had it not been for Anne Sullivan, Helen’s teacher and real miracle-worker.  Anne Sullivan’s name may not be as well-known as Helen’s but she had to overcome all of Helen’s handicaps, too, in order to teach her how to understand the concept of words and how to communicate correctly.

Helen was a very difficult case.  Her parents had grown so accustomed to her handicaps and challenges that they had gotten “soft” in dealing with her.  When the task became too difficult, they hired Anne to work with their beloved daughter. Miss Sullivan was up to the challenge and approached Helen with “tough love” rather than sympathy.  It was a frustrating and daily battle.  Finally there was a breakthrough and Helen began to grow in her communication skills.  Eventually she even went on to college.

Though I am not that familiar with everything that happened in Anne Sullivan’s life, I do know that she was indeed a miracle worker.  I don’t know if she ever had a miracle in her own life, but at some point she must have decided that she would become a miracle for someone else.  And, that is the point of this Tip.  Most of us will probably live our entire life without experiencing what we would consider a “supernatural miracle” like the one Helen Keller experienced.  Yet, again, Helen did not experience it because it came from within herself; it was really a gift given to her by Anne Sullivan.  Anne chose to be a miracle worker in Helen’s life.  And, all of us can make that choice on a daily basis, too.

I cannot tell you how many people I run into who are depressed, down, discouraged or hurting.  And, it only takes a few minutes of kindness and encouragement to provide them with a small miracle in their life.  In fact, just the other day I was pulling through a drive-thru in the early morning.  I asked the girl who waited on me, “Has anyone thanked you for coming to work this early?“  She didn’t know what to say!  She even asked what I was talking about.  I said, “Since it is so early in the morning, I don’t know if anyone has thanked you for coming to work.  I wouldn’t be able to get this breakfast if you weren’t here to make it for me, so I wanted to thank you.“  I wish you could have seen the look in her eyes!  It was as though I was the only person in the world who really understood what she was going through.  It was like I gave her a miracle, and that is what I think life is all about.

This week, be on the lookout for someone who could use an encouraging word or an act of kindness.  Rather than looking to receive your own miracle, why not look for ways to become a miracle for someone else?  If you stop and think about it, that is a powerful position to assume and anyone can do it!  It will make a great deal of difference for them and I am 100% sure it will make a great deal of difference to you as well!

Robert A. Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

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One of the most difficult challenges each of us faces on a daily basis is learning how to not react to other people.  It starts from the very moment you wake up.  If you live in a family, it is very easy to let someone else’s morning mood wreck your day before it has even really gotten started.  Stop and think:  Which one of us has not allowed a crying baby, a barking dog, or another family member’s bad mood to immediately begin to affect our own attitude?  If we are not careful, we can easily get caught up in another person’s mood or attitude and become just like them.  We must plan in advance to not let the surrounding circumstances control us or we will surely fail in this area of life!

A few days ago I was meeting one of my daughters at Panera Bread Company for lunch.  When I pulled into the parking lot, I noticed that there was some construction going on that was making the flow of traffic a little difficult.  Since I had arrived a few minutes early, I sat in my car doing some paper work while I waited for my daughter.

As I was sitting there doing my work, I noticed that a gentleman and his wife were trying to get into a parking place, but his progress was being impeded because an oncoming car was stopped so that an elderly woman could be let out by the door of the restaurant.  There was also a woman and some children in a car directly behind him.  In an effort to give the elderly woman the room she needed to get out of the car near the entrance, the gentleman began to slowly back up since he had nowhere else to go.  The woman behind him began loudly honking her horn at him.  In response, the man opened his car door to say something to her.  I thought, “Uh-oh! I am about to witness a fight right here in Panera’s parking lot!”

To my surprise, the man simply looked at the woman who was behind him and kindly said, “I see that you are behind me.  I was just backing up in order to let the lady in front of me get out of her car.  If you could back up so that I can back up a bit more, I sure would appreciate it.“  Immediately the woman behind him started to back up so that the gentleman could move his car and the elderly lady was able to get out of her car without any additional difficulty.  In a matter of seconds, traffic began to flow again and everything was fine.

I was amazed!  I immediately prayed, “Dear Lord, please help me to become more like that gentleman!“  He was so non-reactionary.  He never raised his voice; he never acted “put out”; he never displayed any anger at all.  As a matter of fact, the only attitude that he displayed was complete kindness, gentleness and self-control. He acted like a mature adult rather than a grown child! I wondered how he was able to do that.  How was it that he could remain so calm, cool and collected when he was blocked in front and behind and someone was honking their horn at him?

As I have had some time to reflect upon that situation, I believe that gentleman did not wait until he was in the midst of that confrontation to decide how he was going to respond.  He must have pre-planned not to let the circumstances and events of life cause him to lose his peace.  And, that is what this Tip is really all about.

I once heard someone say that what goes on around us pales in comparison to what goes on inside of us every day.  I don’t want to be a reactionary person.  I don’t want to let the weather, the moods of other people, the traffic, my relatives, or the circumstances of life control my inner peace.  I want to be a person who is gentle and kind and thoughtful, regardless of what is taking place around me.  Besides, I have learned that having a rotten attitude does very little to change circumstances for the better.  In fact, it often times makes things worse.  What about you?  Are you a reactionary person?  Do you determine how you are going to behave and act toward other people based on the things they say and do to you?

This Tip is one of the most important lessons that any of us can learn.  It is just so easy to let outward circumstances control our inward peace.  But, it doesn’t have to be that way.  Regardless of the circumstances on the outside, we can choose to have a cheerful spirit and a non-reactionary attitude toward other people.  If we do that, it will not only impress those around us, but it will also reduce our own personal stress and increase our productivity.

I am grateful for that gentleman in the parking lot who demonstrated so well what it means to keep your inner peace in the face of a tense situation.  He could have responded in any number of unpleasant ways, but he chose to be non-reactionary. It was very impressive indeed!  I know that is what I want for my life and I am sure that you do, too.

Robert A. Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

Usage Policy:
You may reprint this ”Tip of the Week” in your own hard copy print or electronic newsletter under the following conditions:
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Please comment below, and then ask the next person you run into.

Occasionally it is important to differentiate between certain words or concepts.  In this week’s Tip, I want to share something that has taken me almost a lifetime to learn.  As a matter of fact, I still have not completely mastered it, but I am further down the road than I once was.  The subject I want to discuss is the difference between a grownup and an adult.

It is sometimes easy to become confused about this issue when we see someone who is chronologically an adult.  When we look at a baby or a child, it is easy to recognize them as such.  And, most of us are able to identify a teenager when we see one.  However, just because someone has reached adulthood does not necessarily mean that they are a grownup.  I have discovered that the two are not synonymous. It is possible to grow older in age every year but remain immature forever! 

A person can appear to be an adult because of their age, but in reality still have all of the characteristics of a child.  Think about it for a minute – children always want to have their own way.  Children say what they are thinking because they haven’t learned to control their tongue.  Children often have poor habits; they prefer to eat what they like rather than what is good for them.  I believe one of our biggest problems today is that we have a society full of adults who have never grown up. Oh, sure, outwardly they look like adults, but inwardly they are still children.

When we talk about being a grownup, we typically mean that to be someone who has learned how to be responsible for their own life, their own success, their own happiness, and their own future.  A grownup knows how to demonstrate self-control.  They have manners.  They are able to be courteous to others.  They know what it means to act unselfishly and they also know not to be rude.  They know how to listen.  They know how to withhold judgment in a situation until all of the facts are gathered.

If you stop to think about it, this business of being a grownup can be difficult.  It requires the development of many personal characteristics that do not automatically come into a person’s life.  Character and integrity are traits that are developed by hard work and self-discipline.  Many never take the time necessary to build those traits into their lives. They only come with time, focus, effort and personal accountability.

The political season is starting to heat up here in the States (though I have believed for many years that the political season lasts all year – every year).  It would be easy to assume that everyone running for political office is a grownup since they certainly look like an adult, however, that is apparently not true!  Leading a country requires more than solving economic, environmental, or international problems. We need a shift of focus to the more fundamental traits of character, integrity and honesty in our government and our country.

I have never been an elected official, therefore I do not know the pressure that comes with that job, but I have heard it said that “power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.“  Perhaps that is true, but a real grownup knows how to handle pressure.  They know how to deal with difficult circumstances and situations in appropriate ways.

I love to read about great people who have lived in the past.  Almost every one of them seems to have mastered the art of being a grownup.  They did what was right; regardless of the consequences or what it cost them in popularity.  Consider our founding fathers.  In the Declaration of Independence they pledged their lives, their fortunes and their sacred honor.  That’s what I am talking about.  Only a grownup would be willing to lay down their life, their finances and their honor for the future well-being of their country.  They knew what self-discipline, character and integrity were all about!  They were grownups!

I recently celebrated a birthday.  I did not make a big deal about it because birthdays seem to be coming faster and faster these days.  I did, however, think about the fact that I do not want to just be an adult.  I know far too many people who look like adults on the outside, but remain children in their attitudes and actions!  I place a high premium on being a grownup.  I still know how to have fun.  I still know how to have a good time and enjoy life.  But, when it comes to the serious events of life that require love and patience, kindness and gentleness, and a heart of compassion for others, I know that can only come from being a real grownup.  That is what I strive to be every day of my life and I guarantee you that it is the best way to do life!

Robert A. Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

Usage Policy:
You may reprint this ”Tip of the Week” in your own hard copy print or electronic newsletter under the following conditions:
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Reprinted with permission from the “Tip of the Week”. To subscribe for the free “Tip of the Week” please go to  http://www.personalityinsights.com and receive Dr. Rohm’s weekly Tip every Monday morning.

As most of you know, I do a lot of public speaking. I recently sat down and tried to determine approximately how many different talks I have done in my lifetime. Conservatively speaking, I have done over 30,000 talks. By any stretch of the imagination, that is a lot of talking! I have learned a great deal about audiences and how to keep them interested in my topic. I have learned to be animated and use humor to keep my audience engaged while I am speaking. However, even though I have learned many techniques over the years, I must admit that I have occasionally been caught off guard by some unexpected occurrence. I believe those learning experiences have served to make me a better speaker and communicator. One such incident completely blew my mind!

When I speak, I like to use a handout because I have discovered that it helps the audience to follow along with me better. And, I have noticed that audiences enjoy having some notes to refer to when they get home. But, on one particular occasion, I realized that even though I may have the best handout in the world for my audience, it still might not work.

I had a great talk prepared and a handout for each of the two hundred people in attendance. When everyone had received their handout, I noticed that several people were looking around, asking if they could borrow a pen or pencil. I thought that was odd since I always carry a pen with me so that I am prepared to write. I had wrongly assumed that everyone else did, too. So, I asked the audience if anyone needed a pen. Almost everyone in the audience raised their hand! I was totally shocked, not to mention being taken completely off guard. I thought perhaps they had misunderstood my question, so I asked in a different way, “How many of you have a pen with you right now?” Would you like to take a guess how many of the two hundred people had a pen? If someone had asked me that question, I would have guessed that at least half of them did. But, no! The answer is, three! That’s right – THREE! I could not have been more shocked – or unprepared!

What was I going to do? I had already been talking about what a wonderful handout I had for them and how they would enjoy being able to take it home afterwards. Now I had to scramble for a solution. I asked a couple of people to go to the front desk of the hotel where we were meeting to see if they could find some pens for us. In the meantime I occupied the audience by talking about several things while I waited for someone to return with pens. In about fifteen minutes they returned with a box of golf pencils. You know – the little ones that golfers use to keep score – the ones with no erasers. They were better than nothing, but not much!

I learned a good lesson that day. I learned to think ahead and I also learned to take a bag of pens with me whenever I go to speak! (Bonus Tip: I used to purchase boxes of cheap pens with tops on them and hand them out to everyone in the audience until I realized how many of them never made it back to me. I don’t believe people intentionally stole them; it is almost an automatic response to just drop them in your pocket without thinking. Then a friend taught me a great trick – take the tops off the pens before handing them out to everyone. Almost no one will drop a topless pen into their pocket or purse! And, you know what? It works! The return rate is almost 100%.)

Now, I know that all of this may sound like nonsense to you, but the reason I am sharing this Tip is to say that if I want my audience to be prepared, then I have to be prepared. I have to think ahead and ask myself, “What could possibly go wrong?” so that I am prepared and can head off problems before they happen. I will be much better off and so will those be who are associated with me.

Someone reminded me this week of the title of Earl Nightingale’s classic book, “Think and Grow Rich.” It isn’t, “React and Grow Rich,” or, “Get Excited and Grow Rich.” It is “Think and Grow Rich.” Learning to plan ahead requires thinking, regardless of whether it is having a pen for everyone in your audience or making sure you get your loaned pens back. It is all a matter of technique and taking the time to prepare for the unexpected.

If you are not happy with the way things are going in some area of your life, perhaps there is something you can do by thinking ahead and developing a strategy that will minimize problems in the future. Remember that if something as little as having extra pens (without tops on them) can make a huge difference in a presentation to an audience, then there is likely something you can do to make things better in whatever situation you may be facing. I believe it will not only increase your personal effectiveness, but it will also increase the success of whatever you do!

Robert A. Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

Usage Policy:
You may reprint this ”Tip of the Week” in your own hard copy print or electronic newsletter under the following conditions:
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2) The following paragraph must be included immediately after the Tip of the Week text and must be clearly visible:
Reprinted with permission from the “Tip of the Week”. To subscribe for the free “Tip of the Week” please go to  http://www.personalityinsights.com and receive Dr. Rohm’s weekly Tip every Monday morning.