Helping Your Kids is Hurting Your Kids

March 3, 2017
If you’re helping your kids, you’re hurting your kids.
 
This is a hard lesson for me. I totally screwed it up for the past 15 years, because I have always been so eager to teach them what I know, and to help them as much as possible. I did not realize that I was making them dependent upon me. No need to think too hard or look too deeply because I was readily available with instant answers and eager help. I am now 3 and a half years into my 3rd kid and I am trying my best to not repeat any mistakes.
One of those mistakes I am consciously working to not repeat is helping out too much. Instead, and against his mother’s wishes, I allow him to fail, crash, cry, get hurt and struggle. That statement can sound terrible, so let me clarify: I do not let him get into dangerous situations. I let him run and fall. I let him try and fail. I answer questions with more questions. Things like that.
You want it, boy? Ok, work for it.
You know, doing that has revealed some wisdom to me: when he fails, I console him; when he wins, I congratulate him. These two situations are better opportunities for teaching than providing answers and swooping in to help. The strength gained by learning how to deal with failure, and the pride in thereafter winning, are tools that he can take with him when I am not there.
And that’s why I am not helping my kids so much anymore. The earlier you start, the easier it is to build these values, so give it a shot and see for yourself.

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