When your child does something that you want them to do more of, you tell them that they’ve done a good job, and tell them why.
Don’t let your kid do anything that will cause you to dislike them.
I have only ever heard this from one person: Dr. Jordan B. Peterson. I had to hear it a few times, in different lectures, for it to resonate with me. My first reaction was that it’s impossible to control a child’s behaviour, but the more I listened the more it made sense.