As most of you know, I do a lot of public speaking. I recently sat down and tried to determine approximately how many different talks I have done in my lifetime. Conservatively speaking, I have done over 30,000 talks. By any stretch of the imagination, that is a lot of talking! I have learned a great deal about audiences and how to keep them interested in my topic. I have learned to be animated and use humor to keep my audience engaged while I am speaking. However, even though I have learned many techniques over the years, I must admit that I have occasionally been caught off guard by some unexpected occurrence. I believe those learning experiences have served to make me a better speaker and communicator. One such incident completely blew my mind!

When I speak, I like to use a handout because I have discovered that it helps the audience to follow along with me better. And, I have noticed that audiences enjoy having some notes to refer to when they get home. But, on one particular occasion, I realized that even though I may have the best handout in the world for my audience, it still might not work.

I had a great talk prepared and a handout for each of the two hundred people in attendance. When everyone had received their handout, I noticed that several people were looking around, asking if they could borrow a pen or pencil. I thought that was odd since I always carry a pen with me so that I am prepared to write. I had wrongly assumed that everyone else did, too. So, I asked the audience if anyone needed a pen. Almost everyone in the audience raised their hand! I was totally shocked, not to mention being taken completely off guard. I thought perhaps they had misunderstood my question, so I asked in a different way, “How many of you have a pen with you right now?” Would you like to take a guess how many of the two hundred people had a pen? If someone had asked me that question, I would have guessed that at least half of them did. But, no! The answer is, three! That’s right – THREE! I could not have been more shocked – or unprepared!

What was I going to do? I had already been talking about what a wonderful handout I had for them and how they would enjoy being able to take it home afterwards. Now I had to scramble for a solution. I asked a couple of people to go to the front desk of the hotel where we were meeting to see if they could find some pens for us. In the meantime I occupied the audience by talking about several things while I waited for someone to return with pens. In about fifteen minutes they returned with a box of golf pencils. You know – the little ones that golfers use to keep score – the ones with no erasers. They were better than nothing, but not much!

I learned a good lesson that day. I learned to think ahead and I also learned to take a bag of pens with me whenever I go to speak! (Bonus Tip: I used to purchase boxes of cheap pens with tops on them and hand them out to everyone in the audience until I realized how many of them never made it back to me. I don’t believe people intentionally stole them; it is almost an automatic response to just drop them in your pocket without thinking. Then a friend taught me a great trick – take the tops off the pens before handing them out to everyone. Almost no one will drop a topless pen into their pocket or purse! And, you know what? It works! The return rate is almost 100%.)

Now, I know that all of this may sound like nonsense to you, but the reason I am sharing this Tip is to say that if I want my audience to be prepared, then I have to be prepared. I have to think ahead and ask myself, “What could possibly go wrong?” so that I am prepared and can head off problems before they happen. I will be much better off and so will those be who are associated with me.

Someone reminded me this week of the title of Earl Nightingale’s classic book, “Think and Grow Rich.” It isn’t, “React and Grow Rich,” or, “Get Excited and Grow Rich.” It is “Think and Grow Rich.” Learning to plan ahead requires thinking, regardless of whether it is having a pen for everyone in your audience or making sure you get your loaned pens back. It is all a matter of technique and taking the time to prepare for the unexpected.

If you are not happy with the way things are going in some area of your life, perhaps there is something you can do by thinking ahead and developing a strategy that will minimize problems in the future. Remember that if something as little as having extra pens (without tops on them) can make a huge difference in a presentation to an audience, then there is likely something you can do to make things better in whatever situation you may be facing. I believe it will not only increase your personal effectiveness, but it will also increase the success of whatever you do!

Robert A. Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

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One day recently, I was driving in Atlanta traffic when suddenly it came to a stop.  Everywhere I looked, traffic was at a stand-still.  It just so happened that I was sitting on an overpass above the interstate, so I had a birds-eye view of what was happening.  I noticed that one side of Interstate 285 was being closed down.  From where I sat, I could see that it was because of a funeral procession for a police officer.  The first part of the procession included several hundred motorcycle policemen.  They were followed by a long line of police cars.  After that were several fire trucks, ambulances and other medical vehicles.  Finally, five helicopters flew overhead.  With such a large procession, it completely shut down Interstate 285 for a long time.  It was one of the most powerful things I had ever seen!
The last time I remember actually seeing that much authority and power in one place, was several years ago when I was in traffic and the Vice President of the United States came to town.  It really was amazing to watch the respect that was shown to the fallen police officer.  He had been killed in the line of duty.  Everyone who was able to observe what was taking place was very respectful.  People stopped, got out of their cars, took off their hats, stood at attention, and paid their respects.  It was a very moving moment.

Again, because I was stopped on an overpass, I had a front-row seat to everything that was taking place around me, and I noticed that something else was happening.  From my vantage point, I noticed that there were some drivers who were full of rage and anger because someone slowed down their progress.  They were unaware of the reason for the delay, so they were angry.  Someone actually had the audacity to get their spot on a piece of the pavement right in the middle of a funeral!  I thought to myself, “If they only knew what was taking place, they would not react that way.”  Had they known that the traffic jam was because of a funeral for a fallen police office, they would have certainly changed their attitude.  And, that is when it dawned on me that they were not responding to the situation, they were reacting to it.

What was taking place in their minds boiled down to the fact that they did not know that two things were happening simultaneously.  One was a misunderstanding of a demonstration of respect for a police officer, and the other was ignorance over the fact that no one was intentionally trying to inconvenience them!  If you mix those two items together in the same cup, I can assure you that reacting will overpower responding every time.

I also considered the strong possibility that had I not been able to see what was going on, it is very likely that I would have been one of the people reacting as well.  After all, I am a very busy and important person, and I don’t want anyone to ever get in my way or slow me down!  What a joke!

Since I travel so much and spend so much time in airports, I see the same thing happen there.  It amazes me how upset people get at the ticket agents when there is the slightest glitch in the flight schedule.  People react as though the ticket agent personally slowed down the progress of the planes in order to inconvenience their travel plans!

I have discovered that flight delays actually offer great opportunity to get some extra paperwork done and make a few phone calls.  Rather than it being a time to react like a child, it is much better to respond like a mature adult.  It pays much better dividends, not only in my work load, but also in my emotional health as well.  After all, I have found there is often very little I can do to change the flight circumstances in which I usually find myself.

The truth is, in almost any given situation, if you take a deep breath and look around, you will be able to respond more appropriately.  There is no point to go “ballistic” every time something does not go right in your life.  Reacting only serves to raise your blood pressure and hurt your health.

I am going to give you an assignment with this particular Tip.  The next time something happens that does not go your way and really “ticks you off,” ask yourself if JUST THIS ONE TIME it would be better to respond in a positive manner, rather than react in a negative manner.  Try it on for size and see how it fits.  You might be surprised at what you discover.  I like it a lot and I trust that you will have the same experience!

Robert A. Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

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As a teenager, I had a summer job.  I was a lifeguard at our local Elk’s Club swimming pool.  It was a country-club atmosphere and most of the people of our small town of Griffin, Georgia, were members.  Everyone knew each other and during the summer, we all had a great time at the club pool.

Because I was so young and it was one of my first jobs, I really didn’t know much about what I was supposed to be doing.  I thought my main job was to get a good tan and look good in front of all the girls.  Occasionally I would walk around the pool and pick up a piece of trash, if I happened to see it.

I also had the responsibility of cleaning out the baby pool every morning.  Sometimes that could be a real challenge!  On a few occasions I saw things floating in the baby pool that were questionable.  I always used the pool “scooper” to pick up items I was afraid to touch!

The pool supervisor was a man by the name of Coach Joe Bell.  He was a local, high school coach with a fairly serious approach to life.  I remember being a little bit fearful of him, although he was a very nice man and was always kind and gracious to those who visited the pool.

On one particular day, I was standing at the gate of the pool where people entered to sign the daily register.  I was talking to a group of my friends, and of course, entertaining all of them with my latest story or joke.  I had not been paying attention to the details of my job, so Coach Bell was a bit upset with me.  He walked by, grabbed the broom that was leaning against the fence, and in front of all of my friends, said to me, “Having you for help is like having no help at all!”  Well, needless to say, that sort of hurt my feelings, but I honestly did not know what he was talking about!  I know that sounds naive, but I really did not know what he wanted me to do.

Being so young at the time, I had not yet learned much about personal responsibility or what it meant to be responsive on a job.  I was totally unaware that I should be looking for things to do, not waiting for him to tell me what to do.  If I had been more responsive, I would have been thinking more about what needed to be done.  I had not yet learned that when you are employed, you should not make people beg you to do what you are supposed to do in the first place!  However, it is one of the most important lessons that any person can possibly learn.  There is absolutely no way to exceed or excel in a situation without learning that basic lesson!

You must look for what needs to be done, rather than making people ask you, or worse yet, beg you to do what you should have been doing all along.  If you are not sure whether or not you did a good job, it is very easy to ask.  Simply go to the person you are working for and ask, “Did I do this job to your satisfaction?”  Or, “Did I do this job to your expectations?”  If you did, then you will get an affirmative answer.  But, if you did not, then it gives you the opportunity to find out what you did wrong so that you don’t make the same mistake again in the future.

In my travels, I have occasion to observe many people working in many different vocations.  I am not trying to be unkind or cruel in any manner, but I have noticed that most people do only what they have to do to get by.  It is very rare or seldom that I see someone going the second, third or fourth mile.  But, that is where excellence and success usually wait to appear.  They do not come easily at the outset, but only after additional time, effort and labor.  It is the nature of excellence.  If it were easy to achieve, then everyone would do it.

Recently I had a shipment of products going from one city to another.  The individual at the shipping company, who was responsible for it, accidentally shipped my product to the wrong location.  Had I not had additional product shipped to the place I was headed, I would have wound up empty-handed.

When I called to find out what had happened, the person who had promised me that he would be responsible for my shipment said, “Someone on my staff accidentally sent the product to the wrong location.”  Though everything worked out okay, I did not hear any responsibility in that gentleman’s sentence.  All I heard was blame.

The reason we send these Tips out every week is to help your life to become better.  Yet, I can assure you that it will not become better unless you learn to be more responsive in every area of your life.  This includes being responsive to your mate before they must beg you for attention; being responsive to a child before he starts acting out so that you are forced to acknowledge him; or on a job before you lose it because you were not responsive enough in the first place.

Ultimately, being responsive is the mindset that a person must develop in order to see their dreams come true.  Life is a proactive experience, not a reactive one, or one that can be approached with a careless attitude.  If you do not get involved in your life, then who is supposed to do it for you?  I think you get the point.

This week, why not raise the bar for yourself?  Ask, “Am I being responsive?”  “Am I waiting for someone to tell me what to do?”  “Did I do this job to the satisfaction or the expectation level of the one who assigned it to me?”  Those are some excellent self-help questions that will allow you to assess your approach to your relationships and your work.

I know this Tip has the potential to rub you the wrong way, but as my grandmother used to say, “If the fur on the cat is being rubbed the wrong way, then tell the cat to turn around!”

Robert A. Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

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A word of explanation is probably in order.

I (Robert A. Rohm Ph.D.) graduated from three different colleges with graduate degrees and I can honestly say that the story I am about to relate only occurred once in all of my educational experience!  However, it is the point of this Tip.

One day a student in one of my classes decided that he would challenge our professor.  Since we all know that it is acceptable to question what we are being taught, the fact that this student challenged the professor was not the issue.  It was the attitude with which he did it.  He had a sharp tone to his voice and was rude and disrespectful.  He went to great lengths to discredit the professor’s viewpoint and to explain his own.  It was clear that he wanted the professor (and the rest of the class) to know just how smart he was and that his point of view was right.

What was so astonishing was that this particular professor had a reputation for being the “professor’s professor.”  The other instructors looked to him when they had a question for which they had no answer.  So, for this professor to be so disrespected in the classroom by this student – well, it left us speechless!

The professor let him “mouth” on and on until he finished.  When the student finally stopped, thinking that he had put the professor in his place, he asked him a question that was beyond anyone’s ability to answer.  The professor simply said, “No,” paused and then said, “Next question.”

Laughter broke out in the classroom because it was such an unusual experience.  The professor did not argue with the student; he did not lower himself to the student’s disrespectful level; he did not argue with the student.  He just answered the young man’s long diatribe with one word:  “No.”  And, then he went on with answering other students’ questions, often in great detail.  It was just to that one rude student that he gave a brief, specific and pointed answer.

The reason I will never forget that is because the response was so appropriate.  It was so unnecessary for the student to act the way he did toward the professor.  Yet, the professor did not get all caught up in the student’s “stuff.”  He just remained calm and put the student in his place with one short, specific answer.  No other verbiage was needed.  He answered everything in that one word.

I continue to learn that I talk too much.  I have too much to say about everything.  Hopefully, at least, I do it with a good attitude and not with a disrespectful or know-it-all attitude.  The intention of my over talking is to be clear and helpful.  But, I can honestly say there are many, many times that I have kept my mouth shut because I realized that sometimes a one word answer is all that is required.

The next time you feel as though someone is being verbally abusive or trying to win an argument with you, maybe just a simple yes or no is all you need to say.  Sometimes the worst thing we can do is mirror the same behavior when someone else is going on and on.  My father used to say to me, “The more you stir a stink, the worse it smells!”  That is what I am trying to say in a nutshell.  Quit stirring the stink and just let a quick, brief, specific answer settle what you have to say.

It was a shocking moment in the classroom that day, but a very defining moment in my life.  I am grateful for that experience!  It has helped me to keep a tighter reign on what I say because I often realize that the more said, the worse it gets.

This is a Tip that you will want to save for the appropriate occasion.  It is not one that you will use all the time, but it is one that is both powerful and helpful!

Have a great week!

Robert A. Rohm Ph.D.
Personality Insights, Inc.

Usage Policy:
You may reprint this ”Tip of the Week” in your own hard copy print or electronic newsletter under the following conditions:
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2) The following paragraph must be included immediately after the Tip of the Week text and must be clearly visible:
Reprinted with permission from the “Tip of the Week”. To subscribe for the free “Tip of the Week” please go to  http://www.personalityinsights.com and receive Dr. Rohm’s weekly Tip every Monday morning.

By Lance D’Aoust

If you ask your kids how school was you will get a generic answer. School sucks! It is boring and condescending. Kids don’t value their time there and we all know it. If you want to know what happens there then you have to ask your kids more creative, specific questions about school. Make sure you also ask them what happens when they ask questions. Why? Because more often than not, they’re discouraged from asking questions and are given bullsh*t explanations such as, don’t disturb the class, you’re interrupting, why can’t you fit in like the others? etc.

I have asked these questions with actual results, as opposed to no results, “nothing” or “fine.”
“What was your favorite part of school today? Tell me about it.”
“What was your least favorite part of school today? Why, what happened? Tell me about it.”
“If you could change just one thing in the whole school,  what would it be?”
“Who is your favorite teacher? Why, tell me about it.”
“What is your favorite class? Why, tell me about it.”

If you have really young kids you might want to break out the video camera because sometimes you get the kinds of answers you want to remember forever!

If you don’t ask and find out then you have no idea what messages the schools are jamming into Your child’s head. School is not here to raise your child – YOU are. Schools are supposed to teach the academics while parents teach the character, morals and values AND academics. Schools are a very new concept when you look at human history. Do not give control over your child to someone else.

I was a student AND a teacher, in both college and pre-college, and so I know a little bit about this. I was teaching material I studied the day before. I have friends who are also teachers and they do the same. Our teachers are given impossible tasks, large numbers of kids, little time and no room for error or flexibility. Freedom for critical thinking is an unknown concept in schools. Schools are designed to produce clones who fit into the assembly line learning method. Kids who learn on their own, who ask questions, who don’t fit in are all marginalized and/or medicated.

Teach your kids to ask questions – lots of questions, with valid answers that make sense. Specially to question civil servants such as teachers, politicians, firemen and even the police. They work for US.