This is a Public Apology:

October 28, 2009

When my girls were babies the Dr. told us to vaccinate. Their mom didn’t want to and she told me that. I was confused so I learned that the vaccination is a dose of an illness introduced to your body in a small amount so that your immune system will be able to develop antibodies to fight it. Then, later in life your body can fight it off without taking the time to develop the antibodies. That science works and is sound. Vaccines are not new, and I don’t have a problem with the concept, but that’s another conversation.

I went back to their mother with the science in my head, like a sword in my hand, I hacked up all of her arguments. And, the kids were vaccinated. One of the prominent memories I have so very clearly, is saying to her, “Who the fuck are you to argue with a Doctor?! They go to school for a million years to learn this stuff – so your opinion means nothing!” I was astounded that she had the nerve to put her opinions in front of a Doctor, like a Doctor above being human. I look back at my thinking and I am embarrassed!

This is one time where I wish I lost an argument with her. I remember so clearly holding my girls down, restricting their movements, hiding their eyes from the needle, while the nurse poked into their perfect bodies. Their pure, innocent faces twisted in pain, tears racing down their cheeks, and big blue eyes looking up at me with that expression of disbelief in the violation that was taking place, that their daddy was allowing it. Daddy is supposed to be the protector and here I was holding them down while countless chemicals and viri were injected into their tiny little bodies.

I feel like less of a parent now. I am ashamed. I failed to do my job properly. I did NOT do any research past asking what it was. I did not ask what’s in it. I did not ask what those ingredients meant. I did not ask if it was tested. I did not ask what the side effects are or the occurrence rates. I didn’t even ask the Doctor if he vaccinates HIS kids.

Dear Jenn, I am sorry for not listening to you about this, and for being so mean and illogical. My poor attitude and failure to think objectively lead to our babies being subjected to countless chemicals without reason.

It took me years to figure this out and it would not have happened if a friend from work did not pester me on a daily basis to listen to the Alex Jones radio show. I thought he was a social misfit. Everything he had to say about the world immediately was less important to me because I knew that he already hated the general public, so why would I listen to a radio show that fed into his point of view?

When I finally listened to Alex Jones I did it just to satisfy Andrew. I thought Alex was a total whack job and I immediately stopped listening to him. I didn’t want to watch a single documentary he made either. Andrew was so excited that I finally listened to him that I had no choice but to recall things Alex said when in order to talk with Andrew. Slowly the pieces of the puzzle came together and I gave listening a more serious effort. I realized Alex sounded so nuts because he is passionate. I now sound nuts because I am also passionate.

Dear Andrew, I am sorry for not giving you the proper respect. I should have listened to you sooner too. I could have exempted my girls from vaccinations sooner. I would not have gotten that flu shot for myself that year.

Since those gross errors in judgment I have done a great deal of learning and research. When I speak about vaccines it is not coming from opinion or the ‘innernets.’ I am sharing what I have learned from professionals in many industries and from experience as both the blind-faith-having-believer and now the complete vaccine skeptic. I read and grabbed a dictionary when I didn’t know words. I phoned/emailed/visited the sources listed and asked questions. I still do this.

If you’re not asking the right questions then no one has to worry about the answers.

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